Reminiscing
by Random.Is.Best
Summary: Sirius firmly believes that there is nothing better than hanging out on the front lawns of Hogwarts with his fellow marauders.  But nothing is ever as it seems. Comments are welcomed!


Note: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters.

"Remus, hey Remus. Remmy. _Remus_. _Reeeemmy_."

"What _is_ it, Sirius?" Remus finally exploded, cursing to himself as he upset his ink bottle during his outburst. "I can see why that drives Severus insane. What?"

Sirius smiled and busied himself with unwrapping the box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans that he had just stolen from Peter, who frantically scrambled to retrieve it without success when he realized it wasn't in his hands anymore. "Hi."

"_Sirius!_"

The dark haired marauder laughed and high fived the boy sitting next to him. "Nice one, Pads. You really got him this time," James said, holding his hand out for a bean. Sirius obliged, pulling out a bean, then dropping it back in and fishing out another one for him. "Nope, don't trust it. Get the first one back."

Sirius muttered to himself darkly, running his free hand through his hair to get it out of his eyes as he searched through the box to find the good one back. He hated when James saw through that trick —he was the only one that ever could. "Fine, here you go," he replied, handing over the bean that looked like it could have been something good like cherry or strawberry or raspberry. He looked down in dismay at the one he had pulled out for himself—it looked dangerously like it could be vomit. "Here. Payment." He tossed it to Peter with a smile and watched as the other boy popped it into his mouth, then choked and sputtered at the repulsive taste. "Daft old thing. You fall for it every time." He couldn't understand Peter through the gagging, but it sounded like something very hateful.

Remus rolled his eyes and gathered his parchment and writing supplies. "I'm heading up to the common room so I can focus. I can't get a thing done with any of you three here. I can't even hear myself think."

"No, Remmy, don't go!" Sirius cried, lunging over to seize Remus's ankle as he stood to walk into the castle.

The werewolf arched an eyebrow and looked down at his friend, who was still clutching mercilessly to his leg. "Pardon you."

"Remus, don't go. Don't leave me. Please don't leave me." Sirius paused, considering the statement he had just said. He sounded desperate, needy, scared. Why would he be scared? He was only on the Hogwarts lawn with his best friends.

He gasped and looked up when Remus's leg turned cold and hard, and he pulled his hands back in surprise. He blinked a few times and let his vision focus on the chains before him. This didn't seem right…

"Mate, are you okay?" James asked, his head cocked to one side and eyebrows furrowed in concern. He slid over and pulled Sirius up into a sitting position by the front of his robes, brushing the grass off of him.

"Yeah…I'm fine. My head just went all wonky there for a moment…Maybe I just need to eat or something. I skipped out on breakfast and lunch trying to get that blasted Potions essay done on time. You were supposed to write it for me, Peter. Thanks a lot."

"Sorry," Peter squeaked, ducking under the stony glare from the boy he looked up to.

"It's fine. Let's just go down to the kitchens and see if we can coerce some of the house elves to give us some food."

"You don't have to do much coercing, Siri," Remus pointed out, casting a worried glance over at the young wizard. "They aim to please."

Sirius nodded and ran a hand through his perfect hair and tried to wipe his own expression of worry from his regal looking face. _Why weren't things making any sense anymore?_ "Right…"

James stood up and kicked his belongings closer towards Sirius. "You stay here, mate. If your head is this screwed up—well, more than it normally is—you shouldn't be wandering all over the grounds. You'll get us caught. Peter will go with me, and we'll get something for all of us. Rem, I know you want to get your work done, but it's not due for a few days. Can you stay with Sirius and make sure he's okay?"

Remus's face was now soft and concerned, and he nodded, dropping his bag and homework back down into the grass. "Yeah, I'll stay."

At this, James nodded back and motioned for Peter to get up. The boy scurried to his feet as James rifled through his bag for his invisibility cloak. Once he found it, he straightened and stuffed it under his black robes. "Come on. We will put it on inside where there aren't so many people." Peter bobbed his head up and down in agreement and followed James towards the castle.

Remus put a hand on Sirius's shoulder and gave him a soft shake. "Hey, you okay?"

"I'm fine I think."

"We can go to the hospital wing if you think you're sick or something."

"No, I think I just need to eat. All I've had is candy, and that's just a couple bites at that."

"Okay, if you're sure."

Sirius smiled up at his friend and gave him an assuring nod. Remus always knew how to make things feel better, even if they were just the same as they had been moments before. "Thanks Remmy. You're a good friend."

"Okay, if you're sure."

The darker haired wizard laughed and cocked his head in confusion, the sparkle back in his grey eyes. "That didn't make sense. Now you're just trying to make me feel crazy. I know I'm not all there, but come on, Rem. Don't make this hard on me."

"Okay, if you're sure."

Sirius felt his cheeks flush in frustration and the smile fell off of his face. This wasn't funny anymore. Sure, he was used to it with James. The guy made him believe he was legitimately crazy for a week before cracking and confessing, but Remus? Remus was the level headed one that always made them stop their jokes before they got too far.

"Remus, stop. I'm serious. And I'm not just making a play on my name this time. You're freaking me out. A lot."

Remus put a hand on Sirius's shoulder and gave him a soft shake. "Hey, you okay?"

"I'm fine I think."

"We can go to the hospital wing if you think you're sick or something."

"No, I think I just need to eat. All I've had is candy, and that's just a couple bites at that."

"Okay, if you're sure."

I gasped and clutched onto my head, tangling my fingers in my tangled, matted hair. None of it had been real. None of it. Actually, all of it had been real. I had lived it. But I wasn't sitting in the sun underneath the shade of our favorite tree at Hogwarts with my best friends. I was chained to a wall, the metal cutting into my wrists and digging deeper the more I strained at them to pull away from the cold wall, the only thing keeping me from the outside world. The life I had been living moments ago had happened years ago, during the best times of my life. Now, I only found myself living through my personal hell, imprisoned not only by the walls of the prison, but the memories of my lost friends as well.

I slapped myself across the face as hard as I could to make my head right again. Replaying memories from my past could be bad. Replaying memories from my past _on repeat_ could be fatal to me in this place. At least the sting from the slap made things feel a little more real again.

"Jamesie…" My voice sounded unfamiliar. It used to be so strong and sure, but now it was strained and soft from disuse. "Remmy…" I couldn't bring myself to say the name of the last marauder. Not after what he did. Instead, I whispered the name of my other lost friend. "Lily…" Tears sprang to my eyes, but I fought them back. That horrible day couldn't play back through my mind…I couldn't let it. If it did, there was a good chance that a little more of my sanity would slip away from me, and at this point, I didn't have much more I could lose. I didn't know how long I had been in here for, but it felt like half of my life.

"Sirius…"

No…this couldn't be happening. I couldn't be hearing the voice of my dead friend. Things like that don't happen. Not in real life. People don't come back from the killing curse, and it definitely couldn't bring him to Azkaban. "Go away," I muttered, resisting the urge to give in and rock back and forth to give myself something to do. I needed any distraction I could get from the familiar voice.

"Sirius, don't push me away."

"Yes, Sirius," Lily's voice chimed in. "You know you need us. We miss you."

"_Leave me alone!_" I screamed, allowing the impending tears to tumble down my hollow cheeks. From what I could hear, no one paid me any mind. Everyone was used to this by now. We all had our demons that haunted us in the night. Although every moment here felt like night—with no proper windows, it almost always seemed like it was night.

I scrambled to my feet, pulling on the chains that fought to hold me back. I forced my way to the sliver of a window and pressed my face against it, trying to breathe in whatever fresh air I could get through it—which wasn't much. Brushing away the tears that burned my eyes, I screamed through the crack in the wall that was supposed to be a window. I hadn't meant it to, but the scream almost sounded like Remus's name to me. Perhaps I only thought I had heard it—I wouldn't put it passed my skewed mind—but of all the people I would want to believe in my innocence, it was Remus. He was still out there, living his life and hopefully fighting for me.

I sunk down to the ground, my shoulders shaking with silent tears. How had things come to this? This wasn't how life was supposed to be. I was Sirius Black, notable troublemaker at Hogwarts along with my other marauders. I was supposed to be living a happy life with my best friends, spending more days lazing about on lawns under shade trees. We were all supposed to have families, living life to its maximum potential. How had things gone so wrong? Leaning against the stone wall, I fought the feeling of hopelessness that was rising in my chest. There had to be some way out of this. No four walls ever held Sirius Black. I was an innocent man, and all I had to do was get out and find a way to prove it.


End file.
